Privilege Bleeds what Suffering Breeds

7 minute read time

By Dr. Esha Lovrić

Suffering, a perennial aspect of human existence, and often perceived as an unwelcome ordeal, has the remarkable power to breed resilience, strength, love, respect, tolerance and community solidarity. We have watched so many people rise from the depths of despair, to confront their demons after facing adversity. Those are the stories which bring us to our knees, and stir the depths of our souls so profoundly.

Yet suffering and as well as any form of discomfort is so feared.

Not only feared, but avoided so much so that where one is asked a question which triggers a memory of suffering, a savage reflex to deflect the conversation is the reaction. It is a futile shield which blocks one from facing truth. I grew up with stories of suffering and later when I worked with society’s most vulnerable.  My family’s history is socio-political unrest, turmoil, slavery, colonisation and intergenerational suffering.  The stories would floor you, and they should. I share these stories as a method of learning. And the more I do this, the less they impact me. I am not alone. Stories like these are shared among so many of us. I make sure I share all of these stories with my children because in them, are the greatest lessons.

The power of stories of suffering, platform where there is great misery, there is great triumph. Without stories of pain, redemption and recovery, we have no hope. In my research with people who have experinced great suffering, life without hope, is not one worth fighting for.

In our increasingly privileged world, the experience of suffering has turned into a subjective and selfish competition. The Western humanity that once inspired hope is now disoriented in its purpose. This piece is bringing to attention, that voluntary exposure to challenging experiences and should not only be anticipated, but also sought out consciously as an integral aspect of life. It seems that consciousness of life’s discomforts and difficulties, may be the very element required as a deliberate crucible for nurturing gratitude, humility and empathy - characteristics we are seeing dissolve in a fast-moving post-modern world.

We should not fear suffering and discomfort; rather, our worries should centre on the consequences when suffering is absent. In real-time we are observing how unescapably Western privilege is bleeding resilience, personal strength, tolerance, and community solidarity.

What will happen when blood runs dry.

As we watch economic prosperity rise, and as we claim more and more material possessions, our quality of life is not improving, we are just losing ourselves in what will never matter. The evidence tells us, that social and psychological well-being and happiness is declining in the wealthiest societies. While there are many elements of our social systems that need to be better, all which keeps echoing in my mind are that we must unitedly re-kindle the desire to embody foundations which unit people:

Compassion, Empathy, Forgiveness, Justice, Respect, Kindness, Tolerance, Gratitude, Solidarity, Altruism.

Consciousness of the frailty of life delivers such a profound gift. One who has suffered deeply, and who has seen the darkness of a terrible world, is the one who eventually becomes alert to the most beautiful things.

When you have hit the very bottom and you have nothing left you can only surrender. And in that surrender, you have a choice. You can submit to the darkness, you can be resentful, you can be angry and you can be bitter, but that means you have chosen death. Or, in that moment of serene silence, you can choose light, humility, gratitude.

The one who has seen true darkness does not distract themselves with petty trivial issues. Instead they light a path of redemption and as they move forward they acquire less of life’s social naivety. Suffering breeds good people, like Themba Gorimba, Nelson Mandela, Eva Mozes Kor and so many more. These great people, embody virtuous characteristics and are who we should hope to be.

They suffered, then they became altruistic, now they are humble, they are kind, and they are grateful. They are liberated leaders.

Virtuous people like this do not just change their own lives, they remain connected to their roots and help through humility. They roll up their sleeves, standing shoulder to shoulder with those who need justice. Imagine if we all aimed to be better. While we may not become presidents or athletes, we would still transform into better versions of ourselves instead of resentful, bitter, hateful, judgemental and biased - common characteristics of the privileged.

What is privilege?

Let's refrain from misidentifying the most influential holders of privilege. The apex of privilege resides within the progressive English-speaking Western societies which wield significant influence on the global socio-cultural stage. Within these societies access to education, social resources and healthcare is common affording ample time for individuals to seek out and address (or create) social justice (or injustice) issues.

People can enjoy the freedom to express their opinions without facing political risk. This is a fact which many intergenerationally or unconsciously privileged people take for granted, because those of us who have fought to live in the west for better lives due to socio-political unrest know the true horrors which come with political oppression.  While the level of privilege may vary amongst people, they remain intricately interwoven.

A compelling truth also emerges, that those with the greatest privilege, often amplify their voices the loudest.  

The Controversy around the Trauma-Movement

What began as a movement at highlighting how people’s pasts shape and construct their future prospects, has now been co-opted by unhealed individuals who find solace in using past trauma as an excuse for persistent socially problematic behaviour and project blame, externalising accountability. Healing never begins with blame, it begins by looking inward.

In the counselling courses I taught students, the literature is clear, in that, when working with people facing difficulties in life, we encourage self-empowerment through a concept referred to as internal locus of control. This is the belief that one’s actions and decisions primarily influence the outcomes in their life. The most socially privileged are now also vocally problematic, often spearheading movements addressing past trauma, but these endeavours serve as simply a camouflage to unaddressed character weaknesses and internalised feelings of disempowerment. 

It is easier to blame the world than to face the ugly truth of who you have become.

This phenomenon is not limited to any one specific group and ideology. People across the political spectrum can use social justice movements as a means of deflecting personal responsibility. It is therefore vital to recognise the difference between genuine activism for positive change and the exploitation of these movements as a form of subjective gratification for the wounded emotional-activist.

The Complexity of Suffering and Privilege

Suffering is not exclusive to any one group. The fact that we have an era of trauma-privilege is driven by remarkable ignorance. The manifestation of suffering is highly diverse depending on biological, psychological and social determinants. My personal journey in transitioning from an intersectionally stacked person who came from a disadvantaged background, as well as my education which moved me to a position of privilege, has given me a unique insight into this complex interplay. I am privileged because I do not have to worry about shelter over my head, I have a family, I have love, I have access to education, to healthcare.

It starts with gratitude.

Are we able to be good without some level of suffering?

This is a question I often battle with.

The absence of good guidance and mentorship has left many people stagnant, without goals and instead they become stuck to their pasts rather than seizing the opportunities with unapologetic determination.

Dialogue and Confronting Uncomfortable Truths

One of the most potent means of healing from adversity is sharing and discussing our experiences, even when it entails confronting discomfort. These principles underpin therapy, where skilled therapists facilitate healing by inviting individuals to author their own narratives. In an ideal social environment, these voluntarily socially shared narratives would be enough to mend psychological wounds, as psychology, sociology and biology intertwine logically. This is exactly what those who chose to self-liberate from suffering do best, they share their stories of hardship, trauma and adversity as a useful flame which they use to guide them to personal victory. They pose as fighters, not as victims.

This is healing.

Western societies on the other hand are increasingly characterised by social isolation, victimhood, and a severe reluctance to face uncomfortable truths about ourselves. In fact, anyone who dare ask a question which triggers discomfort will be at the mercy of the disempowered-ego.  This avoidance coupled with post-modern societal factors are contributing to the rise in mental ill health and reduced social well-being in the West.

The Importance of Storytelling about Suffering

When people persistently endure suffering or are raised in environments where stories of intergenerational hardship are plentiful, they are equally balanced with stories of resilience. These narratives become powerful instruments for survival and motivation. They serve as fundamental reasons to craft lives that become worth fighting for. Hearing stories of triumph helps us to focus on creating a purpose and have a direction and increase the chances of beating the odds.

With great privilege and too little to worry about, people have found themselves without any reason to be focused, or driven to find a purpose. The result of this, the most politically privileged are finding themselves adrift, without motivation and no real reason to create a life filled with personal meaning.

Privilege may actually be a curse. 

It has led those who have it to believe that their role is to champion the rights of the less privileged. Unfortunately, their approach misconstrues the value of triumph and facing challenges in the pursuit of a meaningful life.

This article is not to advocate for suffering, but it is simply one short piece that brings to attention a Western problem of avoiding discomfort as well as a lack of knowledge that we must prepare for the day we too will suffer. Suffering in it’s extremes obviously generates much damage as well as intergenerational trauma - difficult to cease in its cyclical psycho-social and emotional veracity; but now that we see what discomfort avoidance intersected with privilege cultivates, there is a sweet spot we must seek for a progressive society to remain grounded.

Throughout human evolution our capacity to draw from our environment and engage with our communities and people in it, seek guidance from elders and learn from the young has been important. Through engaging in important conversations with others, it has been integral to our personal growth and understanding of the harshness and realities of what life can be. 

Life is suffering, and much of it is average as we fight for meaningful goals.

Right now, privilege is watching people’s fences get higher but tolerance is becoming shorter. At home people are grappling alone with their troubles and as they look up, there is no one there to share important stories with. We are trapped in a cycle of internalisation of negative thought patterns leading to profound loneliness and a lack of accountability. Privilege has disrupted our innate ability to connect with our surroundings, engage in meaningful dialogue and evolve our perspective.

Bitterness and darkness grow rich within those who do not have a community to hold them accountable.  

So, this article has some central messages:

Seek out challenges on purpose and ensure you are embracing difficulty.

Allow discomfort and uncomfortable moments into your life and appreciate them as master to your character development.

In societies with limited suffering you need to find ways to keep you humble and purposeful and you must take this very seriously. This prevents resentment and complacency. Connect to your community, volunteer, or simply help anyone you can whenever you can. Offer something for free, take the time to ask people to tell you their stories, and you share yours too with humility and voluntary vulnerability. The purpose - to keep yourself accountable to others and in turn accountable to yourself.

Remember where you came from and why you are here.

Written by Dr. Esha Lovrić